What are twin flames? Why do they exist? Do twin flame relationships serve different purposes from others? Are they all fairytale-like romances? Materials devoted to this subject are abundant and each has a different interpretation. I would like to offer you my version, but like all other posts, it is merely one account of the story—leave it if it doesn’t resonate with you. You hold your truth, and that is the basis of the Universe.
1. What are Twin Flames?
At Creation (from a linear perspective), Source, or Oneness, projects itself into different lifestreams, or souls, to experience so that it comes to know itself. When these lifestreams fall on a dualistic world, such as the planet Earth, they each take on a more feminine or a more masculine polarity. The lifestream with a chosen polarity is then assigned with another lifestream with the opposite polarity, and the two become what we often call twin souls or twin flames. They then descend onto the Earth at the chosen time and location, walk on separate paths, and gain experiences while learning life lessons; neither realize the other’s existence, but both carry a longing for finding the opposite polarity of him- or herself.
When the timing is right, twin flames will meet each other. Rendezvous with your twin flame is one of the most beautiful encounters in life: the connection is strong and immediate, and apart from familiarity—like meeting someone you have known before, there is also an intense feeling of homecoming and belonging. Your souls recognize each other while knowing that a transformation is on the horizon for the two people who embody them.
Despite your different backgrounds and distinctive personalities, you maintain harmony with each other and can see through the surface to understand each other. You have endless things to talk with each other, you stir up interest in each other, and you lose the sense of time when you are with each other. The quality time spent with your twin flame can be substituted by none.
The bond between twin flames is strong and not like the ones you had in previous relationships. You see each other’s merits, and magnify and fall in love with them, while unconditionally accepting those traits that would have repulsed you had you found them on anyone else. At times, you are tempted to use control and manipulation to guard this relationship out of fear and insecurity, but you also know instinctively that these old tricks won’t work.
2. Are Twin Flame Relationships Euphoric, Fairytale-Like Romances?
Much as I would like to paint a beautiful prince-and-princess-live-happily-ever-after picture for you, you may find that a twin flame relationship is often uneasy and turbulent. It is unavoidable because twin flames are meant to set each other free, and freedom can hardly be achieved without some pain first.
Every relationship serves a purpose, and so does a twin flame one. When a lifestream falls into the dualistic world, it adopts either one of two polar aspects to establish an identity, such as between feminine and masculine, emotional and apathetic, introvert and extrovert, etc. While polarization gives you a sense of identity, it makes your soul feel incomplete. Your twin flame, a reflection of you, pinpoints where you can find balances so that you can be whole. The insatiable attraction that you feel for a twin flame is, in effect, a longing for completeness and home.
Your twin flame is like a mirror of you, reflecting your inner state back to your reality so that you see every aspect of yourself. What you appreciate about yourself, you will see it magnified in your twin flame, and you love it; What you have suppressed in yourself, your twin flame will trigger those aspects and remind you of them. By bringing out each other’s shadows so that they can be healed, twin flames fulfill their purpose of setting each other free.
Unfortunately, that’s why a twin flame relationship often causes suffering. Just when you’re about to celebrate the good fortune of finding someone who loves you, your shadows surface and old patterns hit back. The nightmare of being abandoned haunts you, your self-doubt screams “I’m not good enough” by your ears, you question your worthiness, and you can’t help but interpret everything as a threat to the relationship. To your distress, your twin flame starts to appear distant and uninterested, pushing your emotional buttons like no one else can and evoking your deepest fear that you don’t deserve love.
3. How to Heal from a Twin Flame Relationship?
Where there is a wound to heal, there is growth to achieve. The potent power of a twin flame relationship lies not in the rosiness and ecstasy but in its role as a catalyst for both partners’ expansion.
As dramas set in after the initial stage of affection, the relationship might come to a halt as there are energetic disparities between the two. It is at this stage that you (or both of you) would gather the courage to face your old scars and dissolve them. You may start inner work, release past wounds and traumas, and let go of judgments; you may discard old beliefs and break through fears that don’t serve you; you may regain self-worth and self-trust that were lost long ago. It is during this period that you destroy and rebuild yourself, raise your vibration and expand your consciousness. It is during this period that you become whole by integrating aspects that you have suppressed before.
The lifestream that we carry within us is created whole and complete. Much as it has to adopt one of the two polar aspects to experience life in a dualistic world, the other aspect is never gone. Without your twin flame, you would never have discovered this other aspect of yourself or realized that wholeness could only be found within you.
Hone the Skill of Self-Love
When you step into a twin flame relationship without knowing how to love yourself, you set yourself up for disappointment. As mentioned in Would You Date Yourself, any relationship is subject to The Law of Attraction, which dictates that you could only attract people whose vibrations match yours. Therefore, if you vibrate at the frequency of “I’m not loved,” you would NEVER encounter anyone who loves you unconditionally. When both of you are deprived of love and need to take it from each other, dramas and dysfunctions lay their hands on you.
Take this time as a chance to master the skill of self-love. Spend time alone, talk with yourself, and start fulfilling your needs and wants before anyone else. Many of us grew up believing that we should prioritize others, and we have been good at showing compassion for everyone else except for ourselves. It is time to give yourself permission to be fulfilled and happy and know that you alone can accomplish this. Anytime you feel compelled to meet others’ needs before yours as a way of expressing love, just remind yourself that you can never love others unconditionally before loving yourself.
4. Are Twin Flames Destined to be Together?
Now, this question is super important for you because you haven’t loved yourself enough yet and you depend on your twin flame to feed you with love. If you genuinely seek spiritual growth, let go of this question and focus on developing self-love and self-worth. You don’t need to ascend with your twin flame; nor do you need to wait for the other person to be enlightened. An individual lifestream that is complete and whole, you can always find your way back home and back to Source.
You might still feel the bond when you are separated or move on with other people, but it will be a different type of experience than before. When you learn to love yourself, you learn to love the other person without attachment or expectation; you learn to love from afar, and you learn to love for no reasons other than the joy it gives you.
5. How can I Meet My Twin Flame?
For growth and expansion, I believe that every one of us has a twin soul that embodies the opposite polarity of us (referring to masculine and feminine energy, not necessarily gender) and that reunion with this person is one intention we set for ourselves before coming to this world. However, if you have resistance to yourself and try to be someone else, your twin flame won’t recognize you even if you meet each other, for your light is obscured by the shadow of self-denial. Make an intention that you want to have a twin flame encounter and go about your life being true to yourself and accepting and loving yourself. Trust that the Universe always has your best interest at heart and will fulfill your wish when the timing is right.
6. Are Twin Flames Different from Soul-Mates?
It is widely believed that they aren’t the same. While twin flames are romantic partners in nature, soul-mates can take the form of lovers, friends and family members, and they come and go in your life. A twin flame is like a mirror, bringing out all the light and dark of you and making you uncomfortable, while a soul-mate gives you comfort and shield you from storms and hurricanes.
Relationships catalyze your growth, regardless of whom you are having relationships with—a twin flame, a soul-mate, or a stranger you argued with ten minutes ago—as they all reflect your inner state. A soul-mate can trigger old wounds triggered by a twin flame, and he or she can push an emotional button pushed by a twin flame. That a soul-mate relationship is more comforting than a twin flame one is only because the former has a lower reflexivity overall.
Unfortunately, we will never have confirmation whether someone we fall in love with is a twin flame or a soul-mate. It serves nobody’s benefit if we accept or reject a relationship because of a concept, a name or a definition that we assign to it. Follow your intuition and make self-loving decisions when you are hesitant about what to do. Embrace the hidden lessons in every relationship and trust that in doing so, you’re always on the right track towards wholeness, joy, and love.