Growth

3 Reasons You’re Not Getting What You Want

Have you been setting goals and making New Year’s resolutions? How many items on the list do you proceed with? Do you end up achieving them? If not, what’s hindering you?

I used to worship the sacred power of motivation and willpower and did my fair share of honoring my belief through action. Unfortunately, instead of harvesting the rewards of my dedication, I wore myself out, suffering from all kinds of problems from chronic fatigue, low energy, inability to focus, to anxiety and depression. I ignored these signs and held on for a long time with an adamant belief that persistence would work things out—until the day came when I dread having to get out of bed and move at all.

Given our society’s obsession with personal and professional achievements, I am by all means not the only one with this experience. But it seems that motivation and willpower aren’t sufficient, if necessary, for us to get what we want. It wasn’t until I started healing myself and dived into metaphysics that the hidden causes came to light. Different from conventional beliefs, the three reasons below might have predisposed us to the misfortune of not getting what we want.

1. You Don’t Believe You Can Have It

First of all, realize that everything in our Universe is energy vibrating at different frequencies and is subject to The Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction dictates that things with similar frequency are attracted to each other, and therefore, when we put out a wish to the Universe, whether it is a new job, a certain amount of money, or a romantic relationship, it must come to us—unless we have contradictory beliefs and thoughts that block it. These beliefs can often be: “I don’t deserve what I want,” “I’m not good enough to get a raise/start my business,” “Making money is hard,” “No one loves/cares about me,” etc. No matter how hard you try, these beliefs can keep what you want at bay.

how to get want you want, get what you want, why you don't get what you wantWe have accumulated a vast ocean of beliefs since childhood. Before the age of eight when we could judge whether to accept or reject an idea, we took in everything we experienced without rejection, along with our interpretation. For instance, I would remember mum once refused to buy me a new dress and her refusal made me think that I’m not loved and that dad scolded me for making mistakes and it screamed “I’m not good enough” to me. These thoughts and signals, repeated with enough times, become our beliefs, taking root in the subconscious mind without our awareness.

Like our conscious thoughts, our subconscious beliefs carry frequencies of their own and are doing energetic exchanges with the Universe each moment of the time. When you put out “I  don’t deserve love,” you will magnetize to yourself people and circumstances that confirm your belief. As such, even if you might consciously desire a loving and caring partner, the right person might not show up in your life because of the contradictory subconscious belief.

Negative subconscious beliefs can hamper us in all areas of life. For instance, the notion that “money is the root of all evil” will block us from building wealth, for we believe that having money turns us into monsters. Another example would be one’s repeated failure to lose weight, which might have nothing to do with the diet or exercises but the person’s continual self-rejection or -criticism, usually a result of childhood trauma. As long as these beliefs remain in the subconscious mind, getting what we want is difficult, if not impossible.

2. You Don’t Want What You Want

No, I am not mad when I said “You might not want what you want,” as we can confuse our true desires with our egoic pursuits.

We live in a society where material pursuits trump everything else and successful people beat everybody. The ego, striving to stand out from the crowd, often motivates us to set goals and work hard for success, wealth, and reputation. On the other hand, our true callings might be something drastically different—love, freedom, connection with others, or the ability to flow with the river of life and do what we like. There is nothing wrong about chasing egoic goals for they are valid and useful means to attain happiness, but clinging to them while ignoring your true desires might spell problems.

how to get want you want, get what you want, why you don't get what you wantFirst of all, what your ego wants might not last. Our mind receives information all the time, continually updating our knowledge database. What seemed to our ego to be an attractive way to build wealth two years ago might appear much less so two years later, and what appeared to be a promising career a year ago might now look like a lackluster position since the market demand has sagged. Once the information gets updated, you might no longer crave what you wanted before. Constantly switching your direction not only wears you out but also sends out mixed signals to the Universe—it won’t know what to give you.

Secondly, while we can consciously choose to ignore our true desires, they don’t just go away but stay in the subconscious mind, perpetually drawing our attention to them so that they can be fulfilled. You may try to study hard for your bar exams to become a successful lawyer, but your mind wouldn’t get off the piano that you long to play; you may try to read the news headlines on the Financial Times, but your attention has already drifted to the tennis court. Doing one thing while yearning for the other spawn confusion and often lead to one’s feeling void of purpose in life. If you are going through this stage, it is the Universe asking you to clarify what you want so that it could deliver it to you.

3. You Create Resistance to Getting Want You Want

Actions taken while we are hopeful and inspired produce desirable results, while actions based on fear and control are resistance to getting what we want. The moment that we make an intention, our Higher-Self sets off to arrange people, circumstances, and events that ease our path to getting what we want; and we will start to notice synchronicities all around us and feel “in the flow.” All we need is to trust our intuition and act upon it—one step after another with joy, grace, and patience. However, when we tie ourselves up to the results instead of savoring the process, doubt enters, fear of failure kicks in, and both can drive us to take more actions than necessary.

how to get want you want, get what you want, why you don't get what you want

Fear-based actions could lead to dire results because fear vibrates at a low frequency. When we feel fear, our consciousness is restricted, and our visions are clouded and limited. Like standing at the foot of the mountain, we won’t have a holistic view of the matter at hand and are likely to take hasty actions that exacerbate the problem. Exerting yourself with willpower at a low-frequency range is to experience a downward spiral—the worse it gets, the worse it gets, rolling yourself farther and farther away from getting what you want.

We are all creators of our lives, and we deserve to have what we want. Instead of encouraging you to be motivated, to have a workable plan, to take actions and to persist with willpower, I would suggest eight methods from a different perspective to get what you want. Read on to see how!

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